Finding Peace: At Home in the Mother
This is a topic that I have wanted to write about, especially since my next post for the Pagan Blog Project 2012 will be on ‘growing older’ and the Crone aspect of life. Right now, I suppose I would be considered in the Mother aspect. I have two young children and am still very much required in their lives on a daily basis. I have found, over the last couple of years as my children get older, that I am having a hard time staying connected with this aspect.
When my children were very young, it was easy. With a life growing in your belly, or babes in arms or at your breast, it’s very clear where you’re at. Reveling in the new life and the beginning you’ve reached together with your child has such a special energy. It’s overwhelming at times, but for me it was always so easy to connect with the Mother at that point. Pictures of ‘the mother’ almost always show the Goddess pregnant, Gaia with the World in her womb, a voluptuous, fertile goddess with large breasts; or either giving birth, with an infant or breastfeeding – all so evocative of that fresh, new and changing energy.
But when your children are older, it seems that the Mother is less obvious. She is wrapped up in the ins and outs of daily life, caring for her family, raising her children. So, too, am I – lost at times in the day-to-day shuffle of getting here and there, making sure that this or that has been taken care of. That’s one of the reasons that I love the picture here – this is one of the few Goddess images that shows her with multiple children – older children, not just babes in arms. I wish there were more of these images to represent the Mother aspect. I am a pretty visual person and seeing her interact with her older children is a very powerfully connective image for me.
In some ways, I am connecting more with deity at this point in my life, though perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I connect more with my own desire to have deity in my life. My children are still young, but considerably more self-sufficient than they were as babes. That means that I have more time to myself than I have in the past – more time to focus on my own needs. Meditation, daily practice and other such things are easier to work into the day-to-day happenings than before. But there also seems to be a strange sort of disconnection for me. What does the Goddess do all day when her children are older? When they start branching out and she is less of a central figure in her children’s lives?
I don’t feel a connection to the Crone just yet, either. My face is unlined, my hair is not grey (though the good people at Clairol may have something to do with that; I’ve not seen my natural hair color in years), and my bones and muscles are still strong. On the other hand, I have been an active volunteer in my community for years, and so offering direction and sharing my experiences to younger mothers, much like the older women of a tribe might do, has been part of my life for some time now in both a professional capacity and on a personal level. It is this juxtaposition that has me at odds – I don’t feel truly in one phase or the other, and yet I am not in a transitional phase, either.
In considering ‘where I am’ in the stream of things, I am still in the middle of the Mother phase of my life. I do still have young children at home, and the care and keeping of them occupies the vast majority of my time. Like the Mother aspect, I don’t have a lot of time to sit for portraits; tending my family keeps me more than occupied. It’s just harder to connect with the Mother when she and I are both so very busy!